


Ceasefire

by Nemonus



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Christmas, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 03:43:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/605449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nemonus/pseuds/Nemonus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Church considers himself lucky that Caboose is shooting away from the base this time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ceasefire

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pinstripedoc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinstripedoc/gifts).



> I'm not _really_ involved with Yuletide, but Virusq noted that there was a Red vs Blue prompt unfilled and I thought I'd pick it up. Pinstripedoc wanted something gen with Blood Gulch, and I was happy to oblige because I don't write about these teamkilling nutcases enough.

“Merry Christmas!”  
  
Someone was yelling. Church was pretty sure it was Caboose. He didn’t care.  
  
Church was settling in, sitting down in the middle of the base for some serious peace and quiet, so he froze when the next sound was a gunshot.  
  
On the other side of the room, Tucker did the same mid-stride. “What was that?”  
  
They heard it again:  “Merry Christmas!” proceeding a bang.  
  
Church stood up, feeling his brow tighten. He had been all ready to sit down, shout at Tucker to get him to scamper, and probably nap. Instead he headed for the base entrance. “Whatever it is, I am going to beat it until it oozes tinsel and then take a nap. Does it sound like Caboose to you?”  
  
Tucker trotted to keep up. “Yeah, it...kinda does!”  
  
At the entrance to the base Church looked to either side. Caboose was lying on his stomach at the top of a hill, shooting sporadically toward the Reds. Church would have thought this behavior was unusually sane if Caboose hadn’t been yelling ‘merry Christmas’ beforehand every time.  
  
“Are you sure we should go out there?” Tucker said. “He’s pointing the gun toward the enemy now. Our luck can only last so long.”  
  
“Where’s Doc?”  
  
“I don’t know, probably bedazzling something. Why?”  
  
“I want to minimize our casualties.”  
  
“You’re concerned Caboose will kill Doc?”

“No, I’m concerned Doc will get close to him and Caboose will turn around and kill me.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
Church growled through his teeth. “Somebody’s gotta go up there or the Reds will be all over him in a second. Caboose! Hey, Caboose!”  
  
“Don’t do that, man, he’ll -” The rest of Tucker’s words were lost as he retreated back into the base.  
  
Church growled again. Stupid Caboose was only likely to listen to him, and also twice as likely to accidentally shoot him.  
  
He didn’t particularly want to end up becoming the Ghost of Leonard Church Past this year, so he hung back a little as he yelled. “Hey! Rookie!”  
  
“Merry Christmas!” Caboose blurted out again, then stood and turned around, stiff-legged, to look at Church. “Hullo!”  
  
Church shouted, “What are you doing up there?”  
  
“Christmas peace!”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I’m fighting a war so we can call it off and have a Christmas peace,” Caboose said, matter-of-factly and all in a rush.  
  
“What? I - No!” Church yowled. “Have the Reds noticed you yet?”  
  
“Yes,” said Caboose.  
  
A second later, yellow sparks jumped off the side of the hill as a gunshot rang out from a hill further down the canyon.  
  
“Did you get ‘em?” Church heard Simmons say, his voice eclipsed a moment later by Sarge whooping.  
  
“Stop, stop!” Denying all of the feelings that told him he should probably get behind something, Church walked up the hill with his fingers spread, patting the air. Not quite a surrender but it worked well enough as a patronizing ‘shut up’ gesture, and he could still grab for his sniper rifle if he wanted to..well...look like he was prepared, or something. He crested the hill just long enough to yell in the general direction of Red Base. “He doesn’t want to do this! Or, he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Either one. This is not an official Blue Army action!”  
  
A moment later he ducked down as Sarge and Simmons and whoever else was hiding behind that hill advanced and fired. If Lopez was with them Church might have a problem in a minute.  
  
(Correction: Caboose would probably have a problem. The Reds could overrun Blue Base for all Church cared. But Doc was in there and Caboose was here and if one of them survived they’d be hangdogging after Church forever, so it was either make sure the Reds kill them all cleanly, kill them himself, or defend them.  
  
It was a difficult choice.  
  
Pure curiosity overcame any of Church’s immediately homicidal tendencies.)  
  
Church looked back to Caboose, deciding that he needed to get one thing clear. “You’re shooting so someone can call a ceasefire?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“And who do you think is going to do that?”  
  
“The meaning of Christmas!”  
  
“No!” Church screamed. He wasn’t denying the existence of a meaning of Christmas per se - it was the whole conversation that reduced him to negation.  
  
Simmons was muttering, or at least trying - his voice carried pretty well. “Official Blue Team action? Is there a book of those, or...?”  
  
“There is too a meaning of Christmas,” said Caboose flatly.  
  
“This is not what Christmas is about,” Church grumbled, hardly believing he would ever actually have a reason to use those words in that order, and realized that the True Believer on the other side of the hill might actually provide a solution to his problem. Church yelled across the stretch of rocks and dry grass between the hills just as Caboose lowered himself to his elbows to take another shot. “Hey, Sarge!”  
  
“Whut?”  
  
“What is the meaning of Christmas?”  
  
Although Simmons was still asking far too eager questions about regulations (“Was I supposed to be checking those off a list, or, or filling out a form?), Sarge answered immediately.  “This is a time to gather together with friends and family, to celebrate the birth of Our Lord and his glorious defeat of the Easter Bunny.”  
  
Church ducked back further behind his own hill. “...Okay. Whatever. How’s that, Caboose? It’s not about calling a ceasefire. Nowhere does it say you have to have a ceasefire. Or a war.”  
  
Caboose stayed completely still. Church thought he could still tell that the rookie was biting his lip and rolling his eyes back and forth inside his helmet, trying to galvanize disconnected brain cells into cooperation.  
  
He stood there long enough for Church to get antsy, and then said, “Okay!”  
  
Church trudged back to the base, certain he wasn’t going to get his nap any time soon, with Caboose bouncing behind him like a puppy. Tucker and Doc nervously poked their heads out from the cross hallway.  
  
“Well that went well,” Tucker said as he passed.  
  
“Completely unnecessary,” Church grumbled. “And may I remind you that I’m freaking _Jewish_?”


End file.
